leftheart

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Therapy - 1
Went hiking & hot spring yesterday, followed with a hisashiburi good sleep.
things I can still recall:
「會出現斑馬嗎」的乾枯大澤，霧氣瀰漫。
還沒開張就要就定位的熱炒店。
沿著鐵支線（X）高架橋（O）的複雜閒聊 feat. 割腕、包養、有手段。

Theraphy - 2
接到來自美東的來電，聽到聲音馬上認出來，好開心！
十四個月沒講話，據說我「還是跟以前一樣活蹦亂跳」應該是好事吧（惑）
So very glad to be your life guru!
And sorry for your loss - yet somehow I'm grateful
that I chose a rather happy track.

Theraphy - 3
安穩地醒來（拉開窗簾果然有效啊）想講話所以撥了電話，響了六聲，沒接，掛斷。
快中午才發現對方其實馬上就回撥了，只是蘿蔔沒有告訴我。
或許陰錯陽差也好。後來訊息傳不過去，納悶了一陣子就發現，啊大概是在飛機上吧。
我說這是 adjustment period. Might just need a hug - or something more.

Therapy - 4
可能一點點酒釀就讓我們喝醉了，重返青春的感覺真好。
過兩天再度碰面，我說：「雖然我很 kiang 地問了兩次『明天要上班嗎？』
但隔天真的有人忘記上班了！」，再度笑得東倒西歪。

「我知道為什麼妳當時死活不讓我到芝山站再下車了。」
「是啊，因為妳太笨了，那個路口那麼大，妳一定沒辦法走過去。」（掩面搖頭）
（by 眼睜睜看著一隻小豬因為下雨所以又壯烈迷路、飛快地跑過自己眼前的傻眼人士）

Therapy - 5
把胖被收起來。倒垃圾。
發現一見鍾情小豬（三號）不見了的時候，好心碎，只想回去窩在豬窩讀林肯。
重新（或者繼續）喜歡那種淡淡的香味，很安心。
Deal done, profits realized, 1/4 of the (not so ambitious) annual goal reached!

Appendix.
It's really an "adjustment period" - ups and downs, ups and downs ...
I know the waves will be milder and milder and
finally I will realize that nobody is indispensable.
There is nothing I cannot live without you.
Solely thinking about the possibility is cruel to me.

Trying to make sense of all the insecure, anxiety, etc.

Not going to assert that oh it's attachment issue or so -
that's irresponsible and doesn't help anything.

Grateful that when face to face, we still keep good vibes,
and I can definitely feel the loving care.
也不一定是貪心。雖然我真的想要多一點。
之前被盧一週見三次應該實在太誇張了，但至少一週一次吧。
(True, it might be the gap that confuses me.)
我想要早安或晚安。
還有我想要說跟聽 what happened. That's IMPORTANT.
And I need some kind of response.

I know life is hard, work is crazy -
but I believe I deserve good people and good things.
If it doesn't work for this guy, sorry,
but I don't mind trying someone else.
There's not so much to lose.